leanscribbles

Sometimes I think of you together. Jealousy settles in it's course Then I remember... Me and her we're a like.. That round style face The Dark hair.. The quirky interests.. The fact that she is now What I used to be .. And what was I ? A pin up girl for your wall Slightly torn- Bent around the edges With only time to wear me down..

The pale sky stretches out before me Rain pings off the ground around me As if the weather could tell me the outcome of the day My cheeks sting as the rain strengthens I barrel my fists into my pockets All too soon the apartment looms infront of me Pain and fear aches my chest. Will she be there? And then the world spins My heart rushes up Attempting to throw it's very self at the door But I can't move. I sink slowly and the ground runs to meet me.

Who am I now ? Woman condemned by love Never to trust again Alienated forgotten distrustful ungloved. Perhaps cryptic. Embarking into an endless hunger Starving for sustenance Stripped of all that was loved Even oneself. Because in the end it's all a story it doesn't have to be a good one Because I believed and made true all the lies

Bolt upright, sweat pumps down, The covers tight-en Sixth time tonight. How long until it kicks in These dreams are not My dreams once ag-ain This beds so big and im so thin Eye's lull, sleep takes hold Hostage to cupids chokehold again Shakes me rips me and leaves me where my inner most nightmares un-fold

Just want to Scream Shout let it all out Cry Pout Just let it all out.

How will I ever know now , The times when you were home, Where were you with your mischief, Were you actually alone. And what about the bed-sheets, Who else had you there, You claim you never brought her, Yet still I found her hair. Now what about the happy times, When we walked hand in hand, Do I try to forget them? Where the f*ck do I stand.

I just can't suppress it This shadow inside It lurks deep within me But like the coward: It hides.

Can't comprehend what day it is... Don't know what is the time Only know to eat just enough to survive..... The mirror talks shit The scales weigh me down I don't know where to go from here..

Stand in the mirror Glare at it. Stare. One hour of Workout Still so much fat there. Open the fridge It's all just the same Calories sugars saturated fats I'm loosing the game. I want to be skinny It's all I think of morning until late Catch site of my reflection in the college doors See the fat that I hate. Don the baggy jumper.

Everything's changed Nothing is as before I just Don't recognize Can't accept Don't want to be Who I am anymore. Glass fattens Shadows lie. Mirrors, Cameras, They all try Repress me Depress me Force me to cry.